A Mother's Axioms (Still True After All These Years)

The marvel of life is that it is a journey of continuous opportunities for learning, many times from the most unlikely sources. I am amazed at the education I have received from my four children. Each is unique in his (three) and her (one) approach, but their lessons have not failed to elucidate. Often, the lessons seem to contradict my long-held beliefs. However, their wisdom is worth sharing. Here is a sampling of the new axioms:

If you leave the empty ice cube tray on the counter, it will refill itself.

A drink of water tastes best when drunk out of a fresh glass each time.

Spills needn't be wiped up; they evaporate with time.

The wallpaper looks much better when loose seams are torn away.

Painted woodwork makes an excellent drawing surface.

Toilets are not meant to be flushed unless the equivalent of a roll and a half of toilet tissue has been used.

Always leave one square of toilet tissue on the roll. It's the considerate thing to do.

Light switches are made to be turned on. And left on.

A napkin is always within arms reach. It's called a sleeve.

Doors close best when slammed.

All chairs are rocking chairs.

Chore time exists to renew fascination with neglected toys.

Blowing on the tops of furniture works as well as using a dust cloth.

The family room must be constantly maintained at a moderate level of mess to be considered comfortable.

For every toy that is put away, two must be taken out.

If at first you don't get permission, cry, cry again.

Clothes are more accessible if left piled on the floor.

Parental instructions must be conveyed at 88 decibels to be heard and followed.

Following hours of after-school silence, the day's routine activities must be discussed at bedtime.

Books without pictures beg for crayon illustration.

Beds make the best trampolines.

Bedtime is a suggestion.

Announcing "Bedtime!" elicits hunger and thirst.

The later the hour, the greater the desire for a long bedtime story.

Mom's televised news programs signal it's time for kids to wrestle on the floor in front of the TV.

Church services produce the irrepressible urge to poke at siblings sitting next to you.

A phone call for Mom implicitly permits family room gymnastics, raiding the refrigerator, climbing up onto shelves, turning up the television volume, arguing over toys, or any and every combination thereof.

And finally, if it belongs to Mom, it's more fun to play with, use, hide, or wear.

Every day is a joyous new challenge!

What have your children taught you? : )


originally published in 2007
originally written circa 1994 AND IT'S STILL TRUE! :)