Some Fitting Advice

Does this make me look fat? 

Once upon a time, when someone asked you a question, you were expected to answer honestly. Now? Political correctness: a prevalent form of coercive speech modification to compensate for distorted hypersensitivity (my definition).

 

... My feet hurt from walking on all these eggshells...

What, now I can't tell the truth? Then why do you ask me? Because you want me to be an accomplice in your delusion? What about sound judgment? What about rational thinking? Objective reality? TRUTH? 

You: Does this make me look fat?  

Me: Yes. Return it to the store and buy something that fits. 

There. Simple, direct, and honest.

But in the millisecond it takes to envision the look of horror on your face if I really say that, I've already started rummaging through my mental card file of politically correct and sensitive alternatives.

Politically-Correct Me (completely avoiding a direct answer to your direct question): "You know, I really like that black number you wore last week. You look great in it. Why don't you try that?" 

That works. You waddle off and change your clothes. 

Besides being dishonest, all this hedging and spin seems so… counterproductive. What good does it really do? You will continue to buy those slinky size 6s and stretch them over your size 14 body unless someone has the courage to suggest you start browsing a little farther up the boutique racks. 

Yikes – look at teenage girls. I suppose I should be glad they have such a positive body self-image, especially considering eating disorders and anorexia. But don't they have a full-length mirror in the house? How about a real BFF with a brain and common sense to share? 

Orange-peel jelly belly below a crop top. Saddlebags and thunder thighs crammed into skinny jeans. Maybe what they have is a fun-house mirror - the kind that distorts the image to be something it isn't. Something it definitely isn't. 

Even slender girls seem to have those mandatory "love handles" (don't get me started on THAT euphemism) hanging over the top of their pants. Why? What are they thinking? 

Oh. I guess they're not thinking.

  

Hellllllloooooooo, it's not called a 'muffin top' because it's yummy. It's overflow. Too much crammed into too small a space. 

Now, I have nothing against a size 14 body, don't get me wrong. In fact, one of the most beautiful women I've ever known was a shapely size 14. She just knew the secret: she wore clothes that FIT. I think women of all sizes are so much more beautiful when they do. 

Who cares about the size number? I don't wear the size tags hanging out of my clothes, and I noticed you don't either. 

So be real, be "fit," and be really beautiful. : ) 

The beautiful "Walking on Eggshells" image is used with permission from the artist (c)2009 bonniebythebay

A Mother's Axioms

The marvel of life is that it is a journey of continuous opportunities for learning, many times from the most unlikely sources. I am amazed at the education I have received from my four children. Each is unique in his (three) and her (one) approach, but their lessons have not failed to elucidate. Often, the lessons seem to contradict my long-held beliefs. However, their wisdom is worth sharing. Here is a sampling of the new axioms:

If you leave the empty ice cube tray on the counter, it will refill itself. 

The wallpaper looks much better when loose seams are torn away.
 
Painted woodwork makes an excellent drawing surface.
 
Toilets are not meant to be flushed unless the equivalent of a roll and a half of toilet tissue has been used.
 
Bedtime is a suggestion.
 
A drink of water tastes best when drunk out of a fresh glass each time.
 
Doors close best when slammed.
 
All chairs are rocking chairs.
 
Beds make the best trampolines.

Spills needn't be wiped up; they evaporate with time.

Chore time exists to renew fascination with neglected toys.

Blowing on the tops of furniture works as well as using a dust cloth.

The family room must be constantly maintained at a moderate level of mess to be considered comfortable.

For every toy that is put away, two must be taken out.

Clothes are more accessible if left on the floor.

Church services produce the irrepressible urge to poke at siblings sitting next to you.

Following hours of after-school silence, the day's routine activities must be discussed at bedtime.

The later the hour, the greater the desire for a bedtime story.

If at first you don't get permission, cry, cry again.

Announcing "Bedtime!" elicits hunger and thirst.

Always leave one square of toilet tissue on the roll. It's the considerate thing to do.

Light switches are made to be turned on. And left on.

A napkin is always within arms reach. It's called a sleeve.

Books without pictures beg for crayon illustration.

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM YOUR CHILDREN? : )

To Thine Own Self Be True

What do Shakespeare's words mean?

To me, it's to stick to your principles, even if those around you have lost theirs, or don't have any, or - worse - try to convince you you're the one who's off-center.

This world is more and more topsy turvy every day - the line between right and wrong is not only blurred; in many places it's been completely erased.

Without a moral compass, do we really know what it means to be true to oneself? Without a properly formed conscience, can we trust our distinction between right and wrong?

Let's back up - Is there still objective right and wrong? No, not just what you or I feel like doing or not. I mean REALLY OBJECTIVE right and wrong - a high standard of behavior that includes controlling natural urges and impulses, and showing courtesy for others.

Burping, farting, picking the nose - all natural urges and impulses. But isn't it still wrong and impolite to freely indulge them in public?

What about the one talking on her damned cell phone every place she goes, without regard for those around her who couldn't care less about her chatter, and who in fact resent her selfish noise pollution and imposition on their privacy?

But why doesn't anyone speak up and put the cellphoneidiot in her place?

Give cellphoneidiot a look of disapproval and she'll likely confront you on it, instead of realize her voice is a little shrill, a little loud, and more than a little inappropriate for a room full of strangers.

***

There is a lie that's been perpetrated for years: the lie of "Tolerance." Speak out about something you know is objectively wrong and offensive, and be prepared to be called any number of ugly names because the politically correct police say you should be "Tolerant" - even if it means compromising your principles and playing the role of rug.

Just say no. Dissent is not intolerance, no matter how much the offenders tell you it is.

For "To Thine Own Self Be True" to have the full power it was intended to have, you first have to know what "true" is, and what it is not.

The Blue Screen Was The Final Hint

I knew it! I just knew it! My work computer has been acting strangely for a few days and finally failed - with that dreaded BLUE SCREEN - on Tuesday. I suspected this...

At 05:01 UT (Universal Time), on Thursday, May 7th, 2009, Mercury the cosmic trickster turns retrograde at 1°44' Gemini, in the sign of the Twins, sending communications, travel, appointments, mail and the www into a general snarlup! The retro period begins some days before the actual turning point (as Mercury slows) and lasts for three weeks or so [emphasis added], until May 31, when the Winged Messenger reaches his direct station. At this time he halts and begins his return to direct motion through the zodiac.

Everything finally straightens out on June 14, as he passes the point where he first turned retrograde... (source: Astrology on the Web)

Have you been having "communications" problems these past couple of weeks, too?

Children: Spun Sugar or Clay?

The pervasive politically correct, bleeding heart, liberal mindset insists we treat our children like brittle spun sugar dolls that should be handled as little as possible. We don’t want to hurt their feeeeeelings. Don’t want to damage their self-esteeeeeem.

I say it’s our parental obligation to view our kids as beautiful globs of clay instead. Particularly in the first five years of life before we are obligated to turn them over to the liberal cesspool of the education system.

While our children are young, we parents need to grab ‘em with both hands and shape, smooth, tool, twist, blend, taper, and craft for all we (and they) are worth. That means loving and nurturing them by drawing clear lines between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Tempering privileges with discipline. Saying no, and following through. Saying yes, and following through.

Clothes, food, and a roof are not enough. Toys, TV, video games, and summer camps do not compensate. Get your hands dirty. Feel the clay goosh between your fingers.

Kids are open and curious. And they constantly test the limits. Not because they want to aggravate us, but because they need to understand what is OK and what’s not OK. They’re learning about the world – their world – and we parents must embrace our responsibility as their teachers. If we neglect that duty, our little sponges will absorb whatever liquid knowledge leaks their way. And we may not like the results. Too many clueless parents do not take charge of what goes in, and then despair over their child’s unruly and defiant behavior. Children may be individuals, but they need guidance to shape their values and behavior to function properly in society. That’s your job, Mom. That’s your duty, Dad.

Our consistency is among the most important gifts we can give our young children. And it doesn’t cost any money, just thought and time.

Nothing is more unsettling to a child than to be able to do something without reprisal today, and be berated for it tomorrow. Worse, get in the habit of doing something over a period of time, only to have Mom or Dad blow their top about it much later. It breeds confusion. Fear and uncertainty.

Strict parenting does not damage a child’s self-esteem; weak parenting does.

Consider this when your two-year-old bundle of self-centered "me-me-me" impulses does something that’s “so cute”: will it still be so cute when she does it as a four-year-old? No? Nip it in the bud when she’s two and you won’t have to deal with it when she’s four.

True self-esteem and self-confidence are not built by having every urge indulged. That pattern is just an artificial prop. Self-esteem and self-confidence are actually developed from having those urges trained properly. If the only things our children experience are impulse indulgence and praise for mediocrity because we are afraid to offend them, they will surely crack and crumble like spun sugar when life’s hammer falls.

(written May 5, 2007)

Just Who (or What) is ELEMARE?

The name ELEMARE is a phonetic spelling of my monogram – L.M.R. So, now you have the correct pronunciation, too!

I’m a mother of four wonderful young adults – three boys and a girl – and was lucky enough to be a full-time at-home mom for 10 years. In that time, I also served terms as the president of the Quality Hill Neighborhood Association, the Preservation Society of Pawtucket, the St. Leo the Great Home & School Association, and served as a member of the Pawtucket Historic District Commission and the Pawtucket Zoning Board. I currently work in public relations and publicity – and often feel like I live under a rock now, compared the close, active connection I once had with my community.

Although I work at a TV station, television is not something I enjoy much; by choice, I don’t subscribe to cable – unfathomable to some, but true nonetheless! Unless it's PBS (which is free over the air and doesn't require paying cable's outrageous subscription prices), TV is mostly weak content to fill the space between commercials. There are a couple of exceptions, but not enough for the kind of destination viewing I used to do in the early days of Hill Street Blues and when that quirky Twin Peaks aired.

A Scorpio, I’m fascinated with astrology, mystery, and spirituality. Is it any surprise I'm a fan of Coast to Coast?

I’m passionate (at least opinionated) about everything – it’s love or hate with me. They really aren’t opposites, you know – they are both intense feelings. The true opposite of love is apathy. You won’t find much apathy here. : )

I love to write – I love the power of words – but often, free expression is stifled by the traditional constraints of all the business writing I do. Add a harsh internal editor, and it’s a recipe of dry ingredients – flour and salt.

Still, when you push a balloon down on one side, the other side pops up in defiance. So, this blog is that defiant pop up. Poetry or prose, rant or rave, I might inspire you; I might offend you. But I will be honest with you. I can’t cook any other way.

Here, I add the butter. You're invited to add seasoning. Let’s stir things up together. : )